Forty-two

It is astounding how much I have changed in the past little while.  Forty-two days, to be exact.  It’s been a bumpy forty-two days.  Actually, with my birthday looming close enough to taste, it would be more accurate to say that it has been a bumpy forty-two YEARS.  Wow!  I just realized the symbolism of that number.  My life is full of wild coincidences lately. 

I’ve been contemplating how I should open this blog.  How did I want to present myself and my mission?  I know my purpose…my goal, but I wasn’t sure until right now how to go about writing it out.  At first, I assumed I would tell you the history of my mental illness.  Such a daunting task that would be!  And honestly, who would give a shit?  The details aren’t all that important in the grand scheme of things.  Then I considered a summary of my future plans and ideas for this site.  I quickly realized,  I do not look at life from either perspective anymore.  Oh boy, I used to.  To be completely honest, I lived in the past and saw no real future for the majority of my adult life.  Of course, there were ups and downs.  Every second, of every day wasn’t bad.  There has been so much good.  My mental illness blinded me from a lot of the good.  Because of that, I used to harbor feelings of resentment and regret.  Now I know who is in charge of my happiness, and it’s not anyone on this entire earth outside of myself.  I no longer hold onto such anger or wish ill will against myself or anyone else for the unfortunate nature of my emotional life.  I only look at today, and pray for a better tomorrow.  Today is all that is guaranteed in this life anyway.  

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